Whatever I Am
by N7sdr93
Summary: A alternative take on the Three Hearts ending. What I wish actually happened. First fan fiction,so please be gentle!


Hey guys! Welcome to my first fanfic! So I was literally shouting obscenities at my TV screen when I seen the Three Hearts ending, and this story has been bugging me ever since then until I finally wrote it. Shouldn't be anything explicit or offensive in this, but I made it T just in case. Enjoy!

* * *

"So, about our thing.." Kensi prompted.

'Well this was new. Kensi "Bad Ass Blye" the pusher of this relationship/partnership?' Deeks thought to himself. 'Well, if shes willing to have this conversation, I guess I can give it a shot as well.'

"Yeah, I really don't know what to do about that" Deeks replied honestly.

"What does your third heart tell you." Kensi fired back.

That was the million dollar question to Deeks. He didn't know. On one hand, he wanted Kensi more than he wanted anything in his life. More than being a lawyer, more than being a cop or even an NCIS agent. More than any chick he has ever dated, picked up, or even known. On the other, he was damaged. His father, Max Gentry, Siderov, Kensi being reassigned to Afghanistan, what he had to do the get her back, all chipped at the very fabric of who and what Marty Deeks is. He truly believed he did NOT deserve a shot with Kensi.

But then again, Kensi was damaged too. Her fathers death, Jack and his moronic, in Deeks opinion, sudden and silent departure, Afghanistan and her being held captive, Jack again, and just the general wear and tear of the job has left her just as broken as he is. And still, here she is, actually pushing for once for something that they have danced around for years: their relationship. He probably wouldn't get another opening like this.

'Screw it. Why the hell not give it a shot?' Deeks resolved to himself. It was time to stop tiptoeing anyway.

Deeks rises out of his chair, and slowly walked over to Kensi and stood a couple of inches from her. Their eyes locked. This was the moment they had both secretly been waiting for.

"Kens, I'm damaged, to the point to where I don't know how I am even able to function. I've had to do things I swore to myself I would never, ever do to another human being. And you know what? Given the same scenario, I would do it again every single time."

Deeks knew Kensi knew what he was talking about. He had told her the story of what he did in Afghanistan shortly after their return home. She practically made him after seeing the haunted look in his eyes. Surprisingly she didn't even bat an eye at it after he told her. She had just shrugged it off as a part of the job, as what was necessary to bring her home. He wish he could do that that easily.

"But, if I'm good enough for you, if I'm what you really want, whatever I am, I'm yours. Because god knows I want you more than anything I've ever wanted in my life." Deeks finishes with a soft smile.

And just like that, her entire expression changed. Her mask that she wore to protect herself with at all times suddenly fell away, and every thought, feeling, and emotion she was experiencing was written on her beautiful face. Love. He knew it was love. And for him no less. It took his breath away once he realized what he was seeing.

Kensi's Third Heart.

He doesn't quite know who makes the first move. It doesn't really matter anyway. Their lips met in the most tender and gentle kiss he had ever experienced. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer, and she responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. Her soft moan sent shivers down his spine. The need for air finally made pulling apart necessary, but not by much. Kensi rested her forehead against his, both of them keeping their arms wrapped around the other in a lovers embrace.

"If that didn't answer your question Marty, then yes, I want you too." Kensi said softly.

Deeks didn't know if it was what she said or her calling him Marty for the first time, but another wave of shivers ran up and down his spine. He suspected it was a little bit of both. He also suspected she felt them, based on the smile on her face. He decided to just go for it. He had come this far and she had been positively receptive. Why not?

"I love you Kens. So much." Deeks whispered.

The smile on Kensi's face softened. Her beautiful mismatched eyes showed him something that he had dreamed many a night he would see. Love.

"I love you too Marty, more than you'll ever know." Kensi replied.

Deeks knew one thing for sure. He absolutely loved the sound of his first name on her lips. He could definitely get used to hearing it, maybe not in front of the team, but in private and intimate moments such as this one.

"Now take me home and make love to me Marty." Kensi whispered softly.

Deeks was stunned. This post-Afghanistan version of Kensi was certainly bold. But then again, she was always more of a bull than anything else. He remembered telling her that in a night club during one of their first assignments together. Man did that feel like that happened a lifetime ago.

A soft smile appeared on his handsome face. "Anything for you, Princess." Deeks replied just as softly.

Deeks felt the shivers go down her spine. It did things to him he couldn't express. It made him eager to get to his house.

They broke apart, a little reluctantly, but they didn't get to far from each other. They walked out of the mission shoulder to shoulder, hands intertwined between them, loving smiles on both of their faces. They were so focused on each other in fact, they missed Hetty and Granger standing on the balcony, who had been watching the entire scene unfold.

"Do you think they are going to make it, Owen?" Hetty wondered aloud to her companion.

An uncharacteristically small smile appeared on Granger's face.

"Yeah, I think they have a shot Henrietta. It's a new beginning for those two," Granger replied. 'As long as you don't interfere again as you usually like to do,' Granger thought to himself as his smile disappeared. He had a hunch she wouldn't be here long enough to do anything anyway. He knew that Afghanistan was going to come back to bite her. And it was coming very, very soon.

* * *

Hours later, in the early morning, Deeks lay awake in his bed, just taking in everything. This night was easily the best in his life. Kensi and he had made love into the early hours of the morning. It was everything he could ever hope it would be and more. She was so soft and tender and loving. It shocked him how gentle it was. He figured their first time would be an explosion of passion, clothes being torn off, hands grabbing, teeth grinding. It was just the opposite.

Just then, a soft snort-snore shook him from his thoughts. Deeks chuckled softly to himself. He would always find that utterly adorable. Kensi was currently using Deeks as a body pillow. She was on her side, and had her face buried in his neck, arm draped across his stomach, legs intertwined with his. He had never been more comfortable in his life. She was so soft and warm. He had probably been watching her sleep for at least an hour now, content to trace patterns on her back and place tender kisses to the top of her head. He knew one thing. Screw surfing in the morning, he was content right where he was.

Thank god tomorrow was a Saturday.

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So there it is. I know I didn't address the box, but right now that thing just stresses me lol. I know switched the Hetty and Granger scene around based on my own preferance. Right now I like Granger more than Hetty, if you can believe it. Hope you liked it! If you did, favorites, follows, reviews, and PMs are all very much appreciated! Constructive criticisms are also welcomed.


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